Monday, January 08, 2007

Sunday, December 31, 2006

New Super Power Confirmed

No, not SuperPower(TM), the new productdiscipline for the losersfollowers of Scientology, but just the average run of the mill super-powers we all tend to have. For instance, my younger brother has the super-power "coming up roses", which's just what the aphorism would suggest. I'd envy him for it if he didn't also suffer from Instant Karma, which I so don't envy.

But, I've always known my super-power was "all dogs love me" (except for dogs that are either "on duty" or who've been abused). I have now had third-party confirmation to my second super-power, Opiate Resistance. I had to go to the hospital for a migraine, and got a "rather large" (the docs words) dose of Demerol that was supposed to turn me into a complete zombie in a half an hour or less. We had to stop the car so I could toss my cookies (in spite of the large injection of antinauseant preceding the Demerol injection), but otherwise the only ill effects were like being a half-way between being tipsy and drunk, with a dry mouth & slightly tweaky balance in the morning. Maddie says I have a "frightening resistance" to Demerol.

That's really cool: how many people have two super-powers? (Unless this means my dog-oriented powers are waning in the presence of so many catsen.)

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Solution to Global Warming

I have a modest proposal to counteract global warming: Nukes.

Remember back in school when they said that a nuclear exchange would result in "Nuclear Winter" and the icing of the globe? That was back before Global Warming started killing off polar bears. If we were to really, seriously, nuke the bloody sh*t out of Pyongyang Tehran Graceland someplace evil, we'd add Nuclear Winter to our Global Warming, and voila!

Just like someone getting chocolate in your peanut-butter, we'd have Nuclear Global Autumn. Sweater-weather for everyone!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Happy Christmas, y'all!

For the few who prefer "Happy Solstice", "Natalis Sol Invicti", "Merry Kwaanza", &c., happy them too.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Cephalopodmas Carols


Here presented, The Carol of the Old Ones, just in time for Cephalopodmas.

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